The Corner Poll returns this week with another round of Premier League rankings, which means it’s once again time to judge 20 teams based almost entirely on vibes and feelings. Wins and losses obviously matter — it’s difficult to feel particularly good about a team that keeps losing — but how I feel about each club in the current moment matters even more. Consider it a power ranking with significantly less science and considerably more subjectivity.
There won’t be an update to the college football poll after Week 0, though if I were forced to make a couple of changes, Virginia would probably slide into the top 25 and USC might move up a spot or two. That’s all tentative, though, as there’s still an entire slate of games left to play before we properly analyze the vibes and feelings of that sport. The NFL will join the party next week, too, with its inaugural Corner Poll dropping Tuesday.
For now, back to the Premier League.
Losing? Never Heard of That Before
Arsenal
Manchester City
Chelsea
Hull City
Arsenal, despite what some might call a fairly lackluster effort against Aston Villa, remains the supreme squad in the Premier League. No other club is catching the Gunners until further notice, with their talent and pedigree giving them the benefit of the doubt even when the actual performance isn’t necessarily overwhelming. Bukayo Saka’s goal was enough to get Arsenal out of Villa Park with another three points, and while there will certainly be more impressive victories throughout the season, there isn’t much reason to complain about the title defense so far.
Manchester City came out of the gate somewhat sluggish against Bournemouth before eventually finding its footing, then proceeded to absolutely lay the hammer down on Crystal Palace last Friday. Rayan Cherki scored twice, Erling Haaland added two goals of his own and City finally started to resemble the team most expected it to be. The Enzo Maresca era hasn’t been completely seamless, but this squad is more than capable of being one of the best in the Premier League. Haaland chopping all that hair takes the vibes down a notch — you don’t simply discard the Viking look without consequences — but that’s about the only serious complaint at the moment.
Chelsea might be the best vibes team to ever exist. If it weren’t for Arsenal and Manchester City’s talent profiles, I might have to put Chelsea at No. 1 because watching this team play is like viewing a tennis match while riding a roller coaster. Every trip forward looks capable of producing something so brilliant that my eyes want to pop out of my head, while every transition in the opposite direction has the potential to turn into a five-alarm fire. The most important thing is that Chelsea is winning. That’s really all that matters at the moment.
That takes us to Hull City, which has yet to lose and therefore deserves our respect for the time being. It is probably true that Hull will eventually drop down the table — and this list — over the remaining months, and I’m certainly not abandoning my preseason relegation prediction after two matches. Still, taking down Manchester United was an impressive way to announce its return to the top flight, and following that with an exciting victory over Coventry City only made the start more enjoyable. Six points from six is six points from six. Enjoy the tiger paws and worry about everything else later.
I’m So Sorry
Newcastle United
If you’ve been following The Football Corner’s socials, then you know just how much Newcastle United fans have come after me for ranking their club No. 17 in the preseason Corner Poll. It was not received well, and Newcastle has responded by making me look increasingly stupid with each passing week.
A draw against Liverpool was encouraging enough, but going to Tottenham Hotspur Stadium and winning 2-0 made the point considerably clearer. Newcastle has looked organized, dangerous and generally nothing like the 17th-best vibes team in the Premier League, so I’ve since issued a formal apology for my transgressions. Hopefully, a 12-spot jump all the way to No. 5 is sufficient restitution.
Perfectly Level-Headed Performances
Brentford
Brighton & Hove Albion
Everton
Leeds United
Manchester United
Ipswich Town
Sunderland
Welcome to the middle, where everybody has one win alongside either a loss or a draw and there isn’t much reason to have particularly strong feelings about anyone just yet. Brentford and Brighton lead the pack because of their exceptional efforts during Matchweek 1, but it’s difficult to find much separation among these seven teams after only two games. They’re all hanging out, collecting some points and generally enjoying themselves during the opening weeks of the Premier League season. Who needs to be at the top of the table when you can just have fun?
Manchester United probably deserves the most attention after responding to its miserable loss against Hull by beating Ipswich 5-2. Bruno Fernandes scored three times and reminded everyone that he’s still one of the best players in the league, something that has occasionally been lost amid all the nonsense surrounding United over the last several years. I’m not going to declare the club “back” after one victory because we’ve all played that game far too many times, but five goals and three points are certainly better than whatever happened at Hull.
The rest can stay comfortably in the middle until further notice. No need to make this more complicated than it needs to be.
*Shrugs Arms*
Liverpool
Bournemouth
Nottingham Forest
Liverpool has two draws through two matches, both via identical 2-2 scorelines, and has looked fairly average in the process. Perhaps Andoni Iraola’s team is simply saving all of its fantastic efforts for later in the year? That’s the optimistic interpretation, I presume. The pessimistic one is far grimmer, particularly for a club that entered the season expecting to compete at the top of the table.
Bournemouth and Nottingham Forest have largely been decent, especially the former, without doing anything that demands much more discussion. That’s perfectly fine. Sometimes you land at Nos. 14 and 15 in the Corner Poll because the person making the rankings doesn’t know what else to do with you.
Hence the shrugging arms.
So, Life Just Sucks I Guess
Aston Villa
Fulham
Crystal Palace
Tottenham Hotspur
Coventry City
Winning is optional, and these teams have decided not to do it.
Each has experienced varying levels of misery, though Aston Villa at least deserves some credit for rectifying portions of its disastrous 4-0 defeat against Brighton with a much more admirable 1-0 loss to Arsenal. Villa didn’t get anything from the match, but it looked significantly more competent in the process, which is at least something to take away from an otherwise winless start. Fulham and Crystal Palace haven’t inspired much more confidence and could use a quick victory before a disappointing beginning turns into something much more concerning.
Tottenham and Coventry City occupy their own little corner of sadness at the bottom. Coventry is a newly promoted club still searching for its first Premier League win, so there is at least a reasonable explanation for its struggles. Tottenham, meanwhile, has spent more than $300 million putting together a squad that has responded by scoring zero goals and conceding five through its first two league matches.
That seems less than ideal.
There is obviously plenty of time for all five of these teams to turn things around, and two matches are hardly enough to bury anyone’s season. But the Corner Poll isn’t particularly interested in patience, and the vibes around this group are currently dreadful. Maybe if Tottenham spends another $100 million, everything will be OK.