Welcome back to the Weekend Watchlist, where somehow the situation inside Jason and Kylie Kelce’s imaginary NFL Sunday Ticket watch party has gotten considerably worse.
Last week, we solved the television problem. More screens. Enough screens that every one of the approximately 20,000 people apparently coming to the Kelce residence could watch whatever game they wanted without Jason desperately trying to cram the entire NFL into one multiview box. For a few beautiful days, peace returned to the household. Kylie could relax. Jason could enjoy football. The crisis was over.
Or so we thought.
EXT. KELCE RESIDENCE — DAY
A peaceful suburban afternoon. Birds chirping. Somewhere inside, six or seven newly purchased televisions glow beautifully on the walls.
Then the sky gets dark.
Not normal dark.
Asteroid dark.
Kylie walks outside holding a tray of appetizers and looks toward the heavens. A giant flaming rock is hurtling directly toward the house, threatening not only the structural integrity of the Kelce residence but, more importantly for the purposes of this increasingly stupid story, the NFL Sunday Ticket watch party.
KYLIE: Jason.
No response.
KYLIE: Jason!
Jason finally steps outside, looks up and sees the asteroid.
There is a long silence.
He thinks.
He squints.
Then, somehow, he arrives at the exact same conclusion he always does.
JASON: What if I just buy everybody NFL Sunday Ticket?
Kylie slowly turns toward him.
KYLIE: Are you serious?
Jason shrugs.
JASON: I mean, then everybody could just watch from—
KYLIE: No. Stop. You do this every time.
Jason looks confused.
KYLIE: We had 20 people coming over and your solution was Sunday Ticket. We didn’t have enough televisions and your solution was Sunday Ticket. Now there is an asteroid coming directly toward our house, Jason. An asteroid. From space. And your first thought is somehow still NFL Sunday Ticket.
Jason opens his mouth.
KYLIE: Don’t say multiview.
He closes it.
Jason looks back toward the sky.
Then toward Kylie.
Then, very carefully:
JASON: What if I bought the asteroid Sunday Ticket?
Kylie stares at him.
KYLIE: I’m going inside.
Jason watches her leave, then turns back toward the asteroid.
For the first time, it appears he may finally understand the seriousness of the situation.
Maybe.
Then he looks toward the garage.
A smile slowly starts to form.
CUT TO BLACK.
